Before I get to the plot from this week's episode, I just want to say that soon, Glee will be celebrating it's 100th episode. For said 100th episode, Fox has given the fans 30 songs to pick from, and the top 10 will be "remixed" and covered again for the 100th episode. I think it's a good idea, but some of the 30 picks I do NOT agree with. Shortly after this blog is posted, I will be talking about each of those 30 picks as well as which songs you should vote for in an additional post. Stay tuned, even though you probably won't.
We started out in the choir room this week where Will is once again not present. The kids are fooling around with different instruments and Blaine comes in and announces that Will has a school board inspection thing in his history classroom, so he can't get to the other class he actually teaches. I guess that justifies Will not being in class, but let's just pretend that he would've showed up late if he didn't have any conflicts anyways. Blaine says they need to start picking out songs for Nationals, and he tells them his plan. It's boring and consists of Blaine singing lead. Everyone bitches about him trying to be the boss, with Tina calling him "Blaine Jong-Il". Subtle.
Kurt calls a Pamela Lansbury session (yeah, that name stuck) and announces that he booked the band's debut gig. After he announces the irrelevant venue, everyone says it sucks. Kurt tries to comfort them with a description of a vision he has of them singing Madonna's "Into the Groove". Apparently the band turned back into a Madonna cover band (BORING).
Blaine calls Kurt to vent about how everyone thinks he's being a bitch, and Kurt says Blaine can kind of be a "puppet master" sometimes. Remember, Kurt booked his band at an irrelevant venue without any other member's permission. Irony. Kurt wants Blaine to fly to New York (at this point, I'm convinced that for every shitty cover Glee does the characters somehow get free flight tickets) for their first performance and he agrees to come.
Remember
They should be paying him the most, honestly.
Blaine enters the choir room, but nobody is there but Brad the piano guy. Brad makes numerous creepy remarks about his online gambling addiction and his personal life, that Blaine doesn't listen to because he is venting to him about being seen as a puppet master. Blaine sits in a back corner seat next to the vent and ends up hallucinating (there is a gas leak in the vent) and sees everyone as puppets. He sings "You're My Best Friend" to them and in case you forgot that Blaine is gay, this performance surely reminded you.
Is this his sex face?
Jake is coaching the cheerios on that dance routine he promised them a few episodes ago (where's NeNe Leakes to coach them?) and says they all suck. He makes eyes with a blonde girl on the way out and Bree notices and goes off on him. In the hallway, Blaine tells Jake to sit in the corner seat where he hallucinated. Jake walks into the choir room while Will is saying how they need Jake's dancing to win Nationals, sits in the chair, and then hallucinates some more. Jake, Bree and Marley, mid-Jake's-hallucination sing "Nasty / Rhythm Nation" from Janet Jackson. A Janet Jackson cover and no nip-slips? C'mon Glee, what are you even good for?
Blaine, in Arts & Crafts class, decides he wants to make a puppet of Kurt. His teacher reluctantly lets him do it, and then my favorite character, STONER BRETT (he's back, bitches) asks something about arts and crafts but honestly I was too excited he appeared to even care what he had to say. Blaine ends up making the puppet and parades around the school with it. Sue, wearing high heels (and not very well, might I add), sees it and confiscates it because the school board won't like the sight of students with puppets.
Busters Get Popped <3. Don't get my reference? Look it up.
Sue asks Will how to be more feminine (since he does such a good job at it himself) and Will starts another game of RANDOM CELEBRITY FACTS by saying something about Ginger Rogers and how she danced backwards with high heels. Will offers a trade: Sue gives him the money for Nationals costumes and Will will teach her how to dance like Ginger Rogers. She doesn't take it and he leaves. Sue ended up sitting in the hallucination chair and in her vision, her and Will sing "Cheek to Cheek". Becky wakes Sue up from her vision and that's the end of that.
"I'm not high, I swear!"
Jake and Bree are in the hallway, and Jake tells Bree he doesn't want to be her girlfriend. Bree, in a PLOT TWIST, says that she's pregnant. Don't even get me started. DON'T. EVEN. She wants him to go to the doctors with her, and that her parents must not know or find out. Seeming as how we barely see parents on Glee, I doubt this will be a problem.
Blaine breaks into Sue's office at night to try and get the Kurt puppet (really fucking creepy if you ask me) and she catches him, saying that she predicted he would do it. She gives him detention, making Blaine unable to go to New York. Back in New York, when Kurt finds out the news, Rachel tells Kurt that Blaine's special seat won't matter, as the whole theater is empty (except for one person who was there to see Angela Lansbury).
Getting side tracked for a minute, I realized that Glee has a lot of celebrities that it's said would appear on the show that actually don't. Sometimes, there's the rare occurrence where Glee announces a guest star that appears almost a year later, but still, Ryan Murphy needs to get his shit together. Last year, he asked Bette Midler to appear on the show, and nothing has been spoken of since. We were also supposed to get Anne Hathaway and Javier Bardem on the show at multiple points, but for some reason Ryan Murphy wasn't having that??? Don't even get me started on how fucking long it took to get Gloria Estefan. End of side note.
Sue and Unique are in her office. Sue basically tells Unique ("god's most fabulous mistake" as she deems him/her) that she needs his (I give up on identifying this bitch's gender) help on becoming more feminine.
In detention (lead by Janitor Figgins), Blaine, Becky and Jake suffer. Becky's in it because she swears in class a lot (hilarious). Blaine somehow sees them as puppets again (he's not hallucinating, he's just having a control fixation) and they have some stupid ass therapy session. Jake leaves detention early to go to Bree's doctors meeting, but Bree announces that she got her period late, so the pregnancy was a false alarm (that's the reason why I didn't rant about it more previously. If it was real I'd pop off.) Bree goes on a rant to Jake about how he really is a douche and doesn't care about anyone but himself, judging by the way he handled the pregnancy. Bree tells him he needs to change and that in the meantime, he should stay away from her. THERE WE GO, we see an emotional side to Bree and begin to like her (thanks to Jake being the biggest douche since my 8th grade gym teacher). Who could've possibly predicted this??? (Control F: side of Bree) While she hasn't joined the Glee club yet, it's close enough.
At Sue's school board meeting, the handsome superintendent Bob Harris apologizes to Sue for not seeing her as a female. When Sue leads the school board into the choir room for a tour (do they really need to tour the school? How many times has the school board seen the fucking school? This is not ok.) and Figgins bombards them with news of the gas leak. Sue reveals she took care of the gas leak (she could tell after her hallucination that something was up) and that it was his responsibility to begin with. She cuts his pay in half and nobody on the school board objects. And that, was Glee's most realistic portrayal of the cruelties of humanity ever. Later, Sue asks the handsome superintendent on a date, and he says no. Oh shit!
Just think, if Sue needed to become manly again, how great would it have been if they covered "I'll Make a Man Out of You"???
Blaine is playing with the Tina puppet in the auditorium (no idea why he chose her...) and made the puppet feel him up a bit before actual Tina entered. She lets him know that the Glee club understands that he's under a lot of stress (you would be too if you were engaged to a bitch in another state) that somehow is portrayed to be out of his control. Don't even get me started on how Blaine is practically begging for stress in his life. Tina also informs him that the club has unanimously agreed to let Blaine have a lead solo in nationals. If I were in that club, I would've voted no. Fuck him. I want a solo. I'm not going to give it to some little bitch that begs for attention. No.
In the hallway, Jake tells Marley that he misses her and he can't be without her. I guess Bree's words meant something to him. Marley, however, isn't having it. You can tell she is interested, but she doesn't want to put herself through him again. Her actual words revolve around her "not feeling the same" about Jake as he does to her anymore, and she also adds "we gave it a try and it just wasn't right". And just like that, Marley becomes insanely more likable than before. Fuck Jake, he's an asshole and I'm so tired of him. Is Marley actually a strong, independent woman now? Does this mean we'll get treated to "Independent Woman, Part 1" sometime soon? Probably not, Marley couldn't handle it anyways. But there's improvement!
Kurt holds a Pamela Lansbury meeting and announces that they got a second gig at an actually popular venue. Apparently the one guy that was there sent their performances to his nephew that works there, and they got booked. Kurt gets a package from Blaine (no not that kind of package, it was a mail package) and, you guessed it, it's puppets! "That is creepy as hell" says Santana. Blaine also makes puppets for everyone in the Glee club, and this somehow leads everyone to sing "The Fox", which has nothing to do with anything. A mini slideshow will follow of how silly the performance was, but I'm guessing they went for silly, so mission accomplished. Santana's puppet is the best by far, though.
Until next time (remember my 100th episode song review is coming up!)
-Ian F.
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