If you're reading here for my recap of the Tyra Banks scene (the only thing that made me look forward to this episode), just scroll down a bit, or use control F. Whatever floats your boat.
The episode starts out with Sue announcing to Will that it's the career fair. Will notices that there aren't careers in the arts and bitches about it. Remember when Will was contemplating a broadway career? Well that worked out for him. It's success stories like that that made Sue not get a booth dedicated to arts careers at the fair.
Will correlates the adversity that students have to get a career in the arts with Billy Joel's struggle for the first part of his career, so naturally he makes that week "Billy Joel Week". As great of a musician that Billy Joel is, isn't it way out of left field? They started out the season with a two-part Beatles tribute, and I'm still recovering from the Gaga vs Perry catastrophe, so this only further proves that they're running out of ideas.
Naturally, when it's a tribute episode, the episode can't be complete without another rousing game of RANDOM CELEBRITY FACT DROPPING. Today's contestant? Artie (I keep forgetting if it ends in a -y or an -ie so you'll have to get used to my oscillation). When Will announces it's Billy Joel week, Unique asks "Who?" and Artie responds with "Just a musical genius who sold over 150 million records worldwide." While knowing how many records Billy Joel has sold doesn't nearly rival extensive knowledge of George Harrison's dad, it was noteworthy enough to put here. Oh, Will also said he is the third biggest solo act of all time, but that isn't that big of a quip.
Sam has a mini ponytail now and it's horrible. Him and Blaine announce that they're visiting New York (because apparently they can spare the money) and sing "Movin' Out" to somehow help deliver the message. I think they got it... Anyways, Blaine says he's auditioning for NYADA and is asking Kurt and Rachel for tips. Sam, meanwhile, says he has an interview with Hunter College, who apparently liked his impression reel on YouTube. They stay with Rachel, Kurt and Santana who somehow act surprised when they visit. Did they not say they were coming?
I'm annoyed.
Artie asks Becky what she's going to do after high school. Sue interrupts him and says Becky is going to stay her "Beckretary" and then tells Artie to fuck off. Arty later gives Becky his research on schools that would be good for her, given that she has Down's Syndrome, and Sue once again tells him to fuck off.
Marley opens her locker and roses fall from it. Jake appears and finally tells her that he's sorry for cheating on her. Well thank god he acted fast. She doesn't care and leaves. Later in the locker room, Ryder asks Jake what the fuck is wrong with him since he just decided to confront him about him cheating on Marley. Jake sings "My Life" and basically tells everyone that he's a man slut and can't help it so they should stop trying to change him.
In the restaurant, Blaine casually mentions how he is looking into NYU and Columbia as "safety" schools (he must have went to Gunn High School) just in case he doesn't get into NYADA. Kurt announces there's a special performance in the restaurant, prompting Santana to say: "Seriously? You all need to stop." Even a character in the show has had it with the sporadic music moments. And I'm especially done because Blaine is trying to play piano again. Honey, no. Blaine performs "Piano Man" and Kurt says he's incredible and that he's totally getting into NYADA. Prediction: Blaine gets rejected from NYADA and goes to NYU instead. It seems a little too good to be true that him and Kurt go to the same school but it's very Glee for him to go somewhere in the same city. Plus, Blaine seems like an NYU type of guy anyways.
This is as white as you can get.
Sam goes to his college interview for Hunter College. Did it go well? You tell me. He said things like "Why can guys go shirtless at the beach but chicks can't?" and "So you're black. That must be interesting. Do you know Mercedes Jones?" He really knocked it out of the park there! Sam later talks to Rachel and realizes that maybe school isn't the best thing for him.
Arty calls Becky to the auditorium and he sings "Honesty". Becky gets turned on because Artie is so leading her on right now, but Artie insists he just wants her to be honest about what she wants to do after high school. She reveals she does want to go to college and it's sweet. Becky is probably one of the few good things about Glee now.
Why am I always taking screen captures while they're blinking? I need to get better at this.
Marley is helping her mom in the cafeteria and her mom says she's glad that Marley and Jake didn't fuck. Also, apparently being attracted to bad boys runs in the family. Her mom tells her to hold out for a good guy (in my notes I put "Ryder time????") and sure enough, he later asks her out. She says she'll think about it and he sings "An Innocent Man" to her in the choir room. At the end of it, he asks her out again and she says yes. Jake storms out of the room like a little bitch. Can we all agree that we're over him? I was over him his very first episode actually, when he threw a tantrum because they stopped him mid-way through a song.
One of these things is not like the other!
Sam has a photography session with the "Funny Girl" photographer that Rachel sets up. When he takes his clothes off, Rachel helps non-promiscuously rub body oil on him, but it doesn't matter because their eyes somehow connect, giving the viewers the sense that something is UP.
Sue calls Artie to her office and tells him to fuck off Becky for a third time. However, Artie says he's taking her to a tour of the University of Cincinnati and she finally gives him her blessing and tells him to ask a lot of questions. The tour ends up going nice for Becky, with another Down Syndrome kid very creepily hitting on her in a sweet way.
In New York, Blaine and Kurt are talking and Blaine basically says he doesn't want to audition for NYADA, and that he wants to do other things like be a doctor. Really, Ryan Murphy? Is he trying to base Kurt and Blaine off of his real life relationship with his husband? Because that didn't work out well for the last one. Kurt sees through his bullshit and realizes that Blaine is just scared that he's not good enough for NYADA, but he convinces him that he's great no matter what happens.
And now for the moment we've all been waiting for: TYRA BANKS. Cue Life-Size music! She plays a fictional character that's the head of a modeling agency called "Ms. Bitchette" or something like that. Apparently her last name is Bitchette. She has the best conversation of the episode with Sam, alluding to one of my favorite Glee moments ever.
Tyra: Your lips are...
Sam: Trouty?
Tyra: Yes! Trouty Mouth!
I died. Tyra Ms. Bitchette says the pictures of Sam are good but not good enough. She tells him to pay for his own pictures and lose 10 pounds. She also gives him the reality of the male modeling industry and it doesn't sound fun at all. Thank god I'm not attractive or muscular enough to be about that life.
This was exactly my face during the rest of the episode.
Unfortunately, Tyra was only here for one scene. So that was it, but maybe we'll see her in the future! Moving back to Ohio, Sue asks Becky how her trip went, and Becky basically says it was great and that she can't wait. Sue realizes that she has to let Becky grow up eventually (doesn't she have a baby that we haven't heard anything about in a while to care for anyways?) and helps her write her college essay.
Ryder and Marley are in the hallway, and it's after their date (we didn't see it on screen). Ryder says he thought it went really well and Jake barges in and asks if they're a thing. Ryder tells him to gtfo and that it's none of his business and Jake storms off again. Marley tells Jake that just because they went out once, it doesn't mean that they're going out for good, and that she "needs time for her". Never heard that one before.
Sue finally puts up an arts career booth after Becky says that she can do photography at the University of Cincinnati. Will is glad she came around of course. Sam and Blaine return to Ohio where Sam says that Blaine's NYADA audition went well. What the fuck? We didn't see one of the most important events in Blaine's life ever? YES GLEE YES. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS. Ok I'm done with that. Sam says that college isn't for him, and plays one last game of RANDOM CELEBRITY FACT DROPPING and says that Billy Joel didn't even go to college anyways.
The episode ends with the Glee club (and the whole school?) singing "You May Be Right" with Will fronting the song. Will gets two big solos in two weeks? Guys, we're not in season four anymore.
Overall, this episode was pretty boring. There was nothing major to rant about. For your enjoyment, I've included a list of things that could be seen as more intense than watching this episode.
Watching a broken clock
Going to church
Watching Lincoln
Trying to find distinguishable traits in each grain of rice in a box of Uncle Ben's
Celebrating Presidents Day
Until next week (they're covering The Fox--awesome.)
- Ian F.
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